In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters...accepted [God's] plan by which his children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection...The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave.This post is going to talk most about how to heal after losing a loved one in the family. I spoke to someone who dealt with this issue and I quoted them in one of my other posts. I also posted a Mormon Message that talks about what one man had to overcome after losing several family members in a car accident. For this post, I thought I would let the words of the authors speak for themselves, as this is a very difficult subject for many who have gone through it and having not had to battle this personally I thought they would be able to shed more wisdom than I.
The authors begin the chapter quoting President James E. Faust. Faust expresses the type of pain that comes from such painful circumstances but offers council on the hope that can result from spiritual healing through knowledge of the plan of happiness:
Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow and often heartbreak for everyone including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful...[This] refining process...often seems cruel and hard [and] for some the refiner's fire causes a loss of belief and faith in God, but those with eternal perspective understand that such refining is part of the perfection process.The authors continue to write about the importance of finding meaning in the struggles we go through in our families. They teach that the truths of the gospel give us an opportunity to find spiritual comfort in the midst of our trials. And though it may not be simple to see the "bright side" of things, we can always find it if we look for it. Understanding the Atonement can offer us peace and comfort, for when there seems to be no one around who could possibly understand our pain, there is one who suffered all things for us: Jesus Christ.
It seems then that the way to overcome the adversity and pain caused by a trial is to grow in faith. If we can learn to understand our Heavenly Father's plan for us we can start to see our life through His eyes. This is a lesson I have had to learn as well.
A couple of months ago I learned through medical tests that I do not naturally ovulate very well. My husband and I have been trying for children since October 2012 but I have a history of amenorrhea so I knew we might have trouble. My fear was confirmed through the blood tests I got. I started out this trial thinking selfishly: Why am I not pregnant? Am I not worthy enough? How come these teenage girls who are way too young to be mom's are getting the chance and here I am fighting for something that the Lord has commanded us to do? That was the first stage. The second stage was questioning what exactly faith meant. Does faith mean that I'll believe in God so long as I get my way? Certainly not. Does faith mean that if the Lord doesn't give me the chance to be a mom right now that he must not see me as worthy? Definitely not. Faith, I had to learn, was an eternal principle based on knowledge of things as the actually are, not as I desire them to be. The third stage was then changing my perspective. I began this trial feeling like I was being punished. I have gotten to the point now where I can see the blessings despite the pain. I can see how the Lord has still provided for me even though I'm not pregnant yet. He has still given me amazing blessings. And I have learned that what I don't have should not be a measure of the Lord's love for me. Instead I have to look at what I do have.
More than anything this post is about opening the heart enough to allow a different perspective to enter. It is about realizing what the most important things in life are about. It is about seeing more than just the loss. It is about counting blessings and finding comfort through the strength of others as well as the life of Jesus Christ.
Here's my blog where I've written about my own struggles with fertility. I hope the information I have provided can be helpful for someone out there.
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