Marriage was always
something I knew I wanted to take part in since I was a little girl. Granted, I
grew up with two parents in the home who are married up to this day. But even
when I saw single parent homes, I always knew I didn't want that for my kids
and something always felt incomplete about the idea. What has always intrigued
me is talking to those who have no interest in getting married at all and do not
see the benefit in it.
My cousin is someone who
was in this category for a while. He went through most of his adult life with a
girlfriend, but no wife. They had been together for 15 years. My cousin was in
jail for a while and this woman he was with stuck by his side the whole time.
When all other family were not there, she was always there supporting him. So
then, why not marry her? Why not make this person a part of your life for the
rest of it?
I asked him about this
and his response was typical of what you would hear many young people
say:
Well, I mean, I love her. We know that, you
know, I love her. And we already have a happy home, you know. Every thing's
already good. They say marriage is so necessary. But they been so many divorces
and cheatings, you know? I say, get married for what? I'm good! I got
everything I need! Got the woman and everything, don't need no ring to make it
official. She know I love her.
Elizabeth VanDenBerghe and Alan J. Hawkins address what many of the young people are say about marriage. They mention that some
researchers have seen a correlation between marriage and less sex, marriage and
less overall happiness, and marriage and less desire. People seem to think that
when you get married you will lose out on all of the things that you normally
would have had had you not married. Some feel that marriage is restricting.
Others feel that marriage is just a piece of paper already giving permission
for what is already being done, as my cousin believes. But the authors teach that
marriage can bring happiness and it is part of God's plan that
we do feel happy in our marriages.
Many couples feel the
need to try out things before getting married, as a measure of whether they are
truly compatible. VanDenBerghe and Hawkins caution, "Living together, far from being
the no-risk way to test-drive the relationship, can bring hidden, fine-print
clauses in the unread cohabitation contract that trap couples into marriage."
Research showed that many people who cohabited before getting married had more
divorces and less happiness in the marriage. They caution that many of us think
of cohabitation as being the solution to finding out if a person is right for
you but the reality is that most people could have found this information out
through courtship.
I decided to talk to my
cousin about this. I asked him what he thought would change from cohabitation
to marriage. He said, "well I guess I don't think of anything changing
in the sense of losing her...I think it's just that I don't want things to go
sour, you know? We been together so long and we happy now...seems
like every time people put a ring on it things go sour. I just want
us happy."
The fear my cousin
shared is a real one. And it is this that drives so many people to cohabitate
and live out their relationship without marriage. However negative the rumors
are, marriage is beautiful and it is the method by which we can have the most
happiness. To assume that cohabitation is the same as being married is to not
truly understand its true purpose and intention. My cousin is one of many who feel
marriage is only there to improve the quality of life for those who otherwise
would not have it. However, the Lord teaches us in the family proclamation that
marriage is necessary and is part of the eternal plan of happiness. Keeping
this in mind may help us understand its true necessity and strive for it more.
Reference
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