One of the fastest
growing trends I have noticed is that there are many of us young folk who feel
that what a man does a woman can also do. This is definitely popular amongst
the women such as me. This post's life experience is about me (should be
interesting).
I grew up with my mother
always working. Mom and dad worked and that was just the way things were. it
seemed normal to me since I wasn't LDS growing up and most of the parents of
kids I knew in the neighborhood did the same things. I remember always wishing
that my mom was able to come get me from school when I was sick or chaperon for
our field trip. But she had to work and I understood that was the way it was.
Another thing I noticed
about my mother and father's relationship were their roles. I noticed that when
it came to getting chores done such as gardening, assembling furniture,
cleaning the house, etc., she was expected to do it virtually alone. My father
often felt that when he got home from work that it was "his time" to
relax. By so doing, he left my mother with the burdens of the household while
still having had the same long day he had. She often when have to come home and
start the yard work that my father mentioned he would help her with but that he
now was not willing to do. As a result of my dad's lack of helping around the
house, my brother and I were the appointed helpers. My father's role was
present when I was younger, but he was a physically abusive parent and thus it
was not the best way to rule things. When my mother finally put her foot down
on things his role became non-existent.
One thing I always
struggle with is realizing that the roles I saw while growing up are not
necessarily the roles that will be acted out in my marriage. Sometimes I get in
this mindset that I will be the person doing everything at home while my
husband does nothing. However, that is not how things are actually supposed to
be.
Valerie Hudson and Richard Miller teach about
what equality really is and how we can achieve it:
Equality is all too often used to mean 'identity';
that is, that two equal things must be identical to each other. such usage
represents a fallen and harmful understanding of equality...the [family]
proclamation teaches that gender is 'an essential characteristic of individual
premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose...though we all aspire to be
of 'one heart and one mind' apparently that does not mean that we will all be
identical.
Hudson and Miller go on to
explain that gender is not the only thing that determines role. For example,
thinking that a woman is responsible for cleaning excludes the male's
responsibility to support his wife and teach his children the value of their
home by cleaning it. Also, thinking that the man is the only person responsible
for presiding in the home excludes the woman's need to preside in the absence
of her husband. From what they is teaching, equality = recognition of
balanced roles.
Growing up with a mother
that worked has always left me with the desire to help provide for the needs of
my family as long as I am able. However, looking all of this over made me
wonder what it was that made me feel the need to do that. I started asking
myself, 'well if your husband made $100,000 a year, would you still feel the
need to work?' I began realizing that it was more about feeling like I needed
to be equal to my husband more than that I was trying to provide additional
income. And according to the authors and the Proclamation there's no need. There's
nothing wrong with me being a woman, staying at home, and raising my kids. And
there's nothing wrong with my husband not staying at home and instead working
outside the home. We have different roles. And just because we want to be equal
doesn't mean we need to be identical.
I can still be a mom
providing for my family, whether I work or not. And knowing that is the first
step to really getting to know my eternal role in the family.
Reference
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