Knowing How To Let Go

This one is another personal experience, but this time from my husband's life. Knowing that my husband suffered from a broken home situation when he was younger, I have been very intrigued by his attitude on his family. That attitude has helped me with a fear I had pertaining to family: not being able to forgive.

My husband's mother was pregnant at a young age. When she told my husband's father, he wanted nothing to do with it. She started to consider having an abortion. She didn't feel she was ready to be a mother and knew she would not be able to provide the life for him. Also the father was out of the picture, wanting nothing to do with the situation at all. As she really thought about it, however, she started to feel guilty about the idea. She decided to keep the child anyway. My husband was born and raised by his father's parents first and then by both the biological father and then by the mother throughout the years. Having gone back and forth from one parent to the other created a very inconsistent upbringing for him and developed into feelings of tension. He is still in contact with his both his parents and although he loves them he does not ever want to live with them. There are several situations he outlined for me that I will not share because of their personal nature. It suffices to say he did not have a great upbringing but still seems to love his family.

When he first told me all of this, I asked him "How do you not have feelings of tension towards them? How do you still feel like you can talk to them all the time and not be offended from the choices they made?"

He explained that he has learned to forgive his parents because of what the Lord has promised to those who do. He has felt the peace from letting go of the pain he felt from them and he has felt the joy that took its place.

Elaine Walton and Hilary Hendricks mentioned this idea as well and expresses words of wisdom regarding it:

Interpersonal transgressions are common occurrences in all families. They range from misunderstandings and minor mistakes, such as forgetting to take out the garbage, to more substantive disagreements such as [children's]altercation[s] with [siblings], and grievous sins, such as abuse...although the process of repentance and forgiveness is interpersonal, successful outcomes are profoundly intrapersonal--experienced individually, apart from or in addition to any interpersonal interaction.

 Healing from pain caused by family members can feel like a very difficult thing to do and overall it is a challenge. However, just as Walton and Hendricks pointed out it can lead to a healing process for all involved. Having come from an abusive home it has been difficult sometimes to forgive my father for the daily trespasses he makes against me and my family members. However, learning to let go of that pain will put me in a place of greater peace and joy than I would have imagined otherwise. And that is worth finding, in my opinion.

Reference

Successful Marriages & Families: Proclamation Principles & Research Perspectives, Chapter 20