I don't have many
friends with kids, as I am only recently married. But I did have one who has a
daughter and a son on the way. I asked her what fears she had regarding
parenting. This was her response:
Oh man, like what doesn't scare me about it! I
feel like there's so many crazies out there and it's like they are waiting to
take my daughter down to hell with them. Seriously! Don't laugh, but I really
feel like that. Like they are trying to take away my kids! I feel like when it
comes time to send my kids to school they're going to get corrupted! It's a
constant fear and I don't even know what I'm gonna do. My husband thinks I'm
wacko for thinking these things in the first place. He says I should try to
have faith in them. Sometimes, now don't judge me...sometimes I honestly wish I
would have waited to have kids. I just feel like I'm not mature enough
sometimes to know how to protect them. Not that being older would have made it
easier I guess...but maybe I would know a little more about what to do? I don't
know. Anyway, it's scary!
There are many LDS
members becoming parents every day and the fears of my friend are no stranger
to many of the young parents in our church. Several authors dedicate Chapter 10 to
just such fears by indicating the need for "inspired, eternal parenting principles that
are based on the proclamation and supported by empirical and conceptual
scholarship".
First, we have
to realize that every person who comes to this earth has their own personality
and their own genetic traits. In other words, there is no "one size fits
all" parenting style. One of the best ways we can parent in this situation
is to recognize that just as the proclamation says each individual comes with
their own spiritual identity. It is a parent's job to identify that identity
and cultivate it, providing a nurturing environment for it. The authors explain, "The
way individual children respond to their earthly environments is greatly
influenced by their spiritual identity and the spiritual gifts cultivated in
the premortal realm". Keeping this in mind may help us to see our
child eternally, not temporally.
Second, they emphasizes
the need for us to parent with love and righteousness. He says, "Important
principles found in the scriptures and the proclamation have been taught
throughout the ages to assist parents to 'rear their children in love and
righteousness' and adapt to child individuality." Each child is
going to be different, as each had a different pre-mortal identity. It is not
our task as parents to expect our children to all be exactly like us, exactly
like each other or exactly like other kids in the church. Each child will be
individual and will need our help to support their individuality and sustain
their character.
Finally, they teach we
need to maintain a strong and positive influence on children. Without our
constant strength and influence, we cannot expect our children to turn out
better than the world for it will be the world that teaches them. My friend had
the idea that the world would shape her children no matter what. But she has
not considered that perhaps with her strong influence her children will be able
to overcome the world and stay to the true principles they were taught since
birth.
I shared all of these
things with my friend. It was amazing to see how quickly she turned her thought
process around. She was suddenly apologizing for ever doubting her children in
the first place. She started feeling like her husband was right, she did not
enough faith in them. I assured her that the fears she felt were not just hers.
I told her that many people must feel that way and that I could see myself
feeling a little afraid about it all. But that the important thing is to
recognize that there is a better way to think and if we think that way we will
see our children become people we would have never imagined. Knowing that gave
her comfort and she was suddenly not the parent who didn't know what she was
doing but the parent who was learning how to nurture her children. I'm glad
the authors were able to do that for her.
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