Finding the Time for Family

Mark Widmer and Stacy Taniguchi address an important aspect of the family in Chapter 22 of Successful Marriages and Families: Wholesome Recreation. In a day where Facebook, cell phones and internet take most of the attention we deserve as parents away from us, finding wholesome recreational activities becomes difficult. Lately people have lost more patience and have found it more difficult over time to sit through any one activity for longer than 5 minutes. The activity has to be extremely interesting in order to capture the attention of children/teens/young adults. Widmer and Taniguchi give some advice on what parents can do.

Try to find activities for teens that might help them to identify their skills with activities. Widmer and Taniguchi wrote, "As [teenagers] engage in specific activities and develop higher levels of skill, the activities and skills become integrated into their identities. For example, teenagers who study and learn music begin to see themselves as musical." Starting out with activities that you know may cultivate the skills your teen already has may help them to develop their identity and will provide the family with an opportunity to share in that experience. A concert would be great for a musician, a sports game for a sports fanatic, or a fine dining restaurant for culinary skill sets. 

Don't be afraid to play with your children. Sometimes parents feel that their children should play with other children but there are remarkable benefits when parents play with their kids. Widmer and Taniguchi write, "Parents interested in helping their children become flexible and curious should spend quality playtime with them and model good sportsmanship, kindness and fair play. Time spent playing with children also helps them become more secure and independent". Board games are a great way to teach children to take turns and follow rules. Outdoor games will encourage children to get active. Playing with toys teaches children how to interact in social settings. All of these activities would be wholesome family activities for everyone.

Finally, don't feel the need to have the same interests in recreational activities as your spouse. There are several activities we can do but they don't have to be interesting to everyone. Widmer and Taniguchi wrote, "You might think the secret to a great marriage is finding a spouse who loves the same recreational activities that you do. marital satisfaction and stability, however, do not depend on similar recreational interests. For example, research suggests participating in activities both partners enjoy is only moderately related to the husband's marital satisfaction". So if one person love hiking and the other enjoys stargazing, perhaps the couple can hike and once that is done, plop down and stargaze. This could apply to children as well. If one child wants to go out to eat and the other wants to go to a football game, perhaps both could be accomplished. Everyone doesn't have to have the same interests in order to make good use of family recreation. 

The best thing to do is get out there and start. If you can make time for it, you'll be surprised how much it brings your family together.